The Matter of Abuse

# 453 - On Today's Living Word, we continue looking at the matter of divorce and remarriage. What is a person to do who finds themselves in an abusive marriage? Here the Bible leaves some wriggle room for separation. 1 Cor 7:10 says, “the wife should not separate from her husband but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.”

Sometimes for their own physical safety, and the safety of the children, a spouse needs to separate from the abuser. The spouse is under no obligation to return to their mate in such instances, but divorce and remarriage are still out of the question.

Spousal abuse ought to be rare in a Christian marriage but, if it does occur, the abuser should be prepared to face any and all legal consequences, and should be willing to undergo counseling to remedy the situation. There are laws in civilized countries against harming others.

Speaking about the role of government in Rom 13:4, the Holy Spirit says, “ he is the servant of God, an avenger who carries out God's wrath on the wrongdoer.” God has provided for civil authorities to step in for such cases, and one of the problems is the civil authorities are far too soft on the abuser. Read Romans 13:4 again. Does that sound like a slap on the wrist?

Yes, God has provided a means to deal severely with abusers, but He has not provided a means for divorce.

Meanwhile, the church could and should do a lot more for those who feel trapped in an abusive situation. They should of course be prepared to discipline the “Christian” abuser, and be ready to dig into their pockets to provide shelter and sustenance for the abused.

Whether her husband is incarcerated, or angrily waiting for her to return home, she and the children need an advocate. Or what part of taking care of widows and orphans have we failed to grasp?

Remember that the goal in all abusive situations is the restoration of the abuser, and after that has been accomplished the reconciliation of the marriage.

Still another area that the church needs to be more active in, is prevention. That means education. We need to educate our youth on this issue, teaching our boys to be godly men and our girls to be godly women. Our young people need to see the importance of marrying followers of Christ, and even then, they need to be able to spot the signs of potential abusers before they tie the knot.

The matter of abuse is a huge cloud over the institution of marriage. It seems almost impossible to tackle it, but it's not going to go away if we sit on our hands and do nothing. How do you eat an elephant? You resolve to do it, and you start one bite at a time.

It's time for the church to get some resolve here, and with the help of God, we can start down the road of a biblical response to this problem.

I'm Duane Matz and that's Today's Living Word.