# 238 Performance Based Parenting

The Book of Genesis

Day 238

Ge 25:28 And Isaac loved Esau because he ate of his game, but Rebekah loved Jacob.

With this one verse, you can feel the dysfunctional family disaster building. The father, Isaac, favoring his eldest son Esau because of his ability to perform for him. It was Esau who could sit down with his father, and enjoy the venison that dad had brought home from the hunt, while they talked about the big football game! Isaac and Esau probably liked their venison chili hot….Jacob probably preferred it mild, therefore Isaac preferred his son Esau.

On the other hand, Rebekah preferred Jacob. No specific reason given, but the preceding verse tells us that Jacob was a mild man who liked hanging around the house. Maybe he just liked reading a book as opposed to doing all that outdoor stuff. At any rate Rebekah preferred him over Esau.

This seems so silly! A father loving one child more than the other because he enjoyed the same food as his son! But this is more than taste buds!  This is about love based on performance rather than grace. There’s a lot of Isaac and Rebekah in all of us. We often send off signals that tell our children that we will love them more if they perform for us! Be a good football player, and I will love you more. Make the soccer team and score some goals, and I will love you more. And you coaches and umpires and officials better watch it, you better give my child a chance to perform up to my expectations!

And Jacob, I will love you more if you get good grades.  Beware teacher if you hinder my child in any way to impress me with good grades!

Our whole society has become performance oriented and winning has seemingly become everything! But listen Isaac and Rebekah, don’t you know that a focus on winning and performance will often divert you from what’s important….namely shaping character! 

Allow me to let you in on a little secret; Your children do not need prodding and extra incentives to please you! They long to perform for you in all sorts of ways that they deem pleasing to you.  (Remember, “Look mom! No hands!)   Take note of every time you catch them looking for your approval, and let them know by your actions and affirming words  that you notice and appreciate their efforts!

And above all, let them know that your love for them is not based on performance! Let them know that your love for them is just as unconditional as the love of your heavenly Father is for you.

Ro 5:8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Christ died for us out of pure love for us with no amount of performance on our part attached. And it is out of that kind of love for us, that we then strive to please Him through obedience that leads to God-pleasing performance on our part, and in the end, our heavenly Father will say to us, what all children long to hear, “Well done, thy good and faithful servant!